Friday, August 31, 2007


Why is it that the moms in my tribe feel like we are required to be supermoms 24/7 and if we miss for like 15 minutes then we consider ourselves to be total failures? Why cant we cut ourselves a break and say hey, I'm doing a really great job, and i do a really great job about 90% of the time, and that's amazing, and I'm amazing and my kids are amazing and if something slides every once in a while its because I'm just human and that's ok, it's a good thing even....

i think i'm going to try to model that attitude. Call me on it if i don't....

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Good Day

Yesterday evening I had the most beautiful conversation with my oldest son.
Me: "How was your first day at school? Did you have a good day?"
A: "Good Day."

Ok, I know it is echolalia, and I set him up, but still, he doesn't repeat things that he doesn't understand or doesn't want to say. So I really think he was telling me he had a good day!

And B's teacher said that all things considered B had a good day too. Only problem was escaping. He is way too fast for them. Today she told me that he stole an oreo cookie from another little girl at recess. I love the fact that she is honest with me and reports these things!!!!

I think we're going to have a good year.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

As I'm sitting here trying to figure why I am feeling sorry for myself, I realize that I was triggered by my adorable 5 year old neighbor, who I saw earlier this evening as she was getting in the car with her mama to go by crayons and I was schlepping groceries in from my car. "Tomorrow I'm starting kindergarten!" she gleefully told me. So i realized I am suffering from the what-I'm-missing-out-on blues. That was supposed to be me with the cute-as-a-button first-day-of-kindergarten little girl getting ready for Spanish Immersion School and already probably the most bilingual person (adults included) in the entire school.

I love my boys dearly. I really really do. I'm thrilled that BOTH A and B approximated the word school bus as we had our bedtime chat about going back to school tomorrow. I know that they understand that they'll go back to school on the school bus tomorrow, and that is AMAZING. But it's not italy.


Back-To-School always gives me the heebie-geebies. I guess that's what I really should have told the newspaper reporter. The hardest part about being a mom of special needs kids at back to school time is the harsh reminder of just how different our lives are. I'm just fucking tired of always being different, having kids who are different. I guess i need a lesson in accepting our differences.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Male Nurse

I go out of my way to identify and select women to be my doctors. As a general rule, I really don't like being touched by men I don't know. Even my dentist is a woman. So I was quite disconcerted at the doctors office the other day when my (female) doctor told me the NURSE would be right in to hook me up for an EKG which involved HIM going under my bra, all around my legs, and other (previously) private areas.

As you all know, I'm the last to favor gender-based stereotypes. So I shouldn't necessarily have been envisioning a female nurse. But it did throw me a bit.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Squid Saves the Day

I am still in the process of recovering from A Very Scary Incident During Which I Lose Visual Contact With My Youngest Son In a Dog-Horse-Chicken-Filled Ravine That I Can't Climb Out Of.

In our relationship, T is the one who is always looking out for potentially dangers and pitfalls for the boys, and I am the one always saying, oh, let's just try it, it will be ok, noone is going to get hurt. He thinks I'm slack and careless, I think he's a paranoid scaredy-cat. In the end, I think we probably balance each other out nicely.

But I am rethinking the level of risk to take now. After the Scary Incident. In part because I PANICKED. I always assumed that if I perceived my children to be in mortal danger, that I would react immediately and appropriately to rescue them. But in reality, I just stood at the top of the ravine and screamed my head off. Which of course had no affect on B. Or rather it had the affect he was looking for, and thus he just ran further down the ravine.

Fortunately, my hot mama friends came to the rescue. Squid bravely and calmly (something I couldn't muster at all, but had a wonderful affect on B) went down to the depths of the poison oak and sticker patches and pushed B up by the butt, then pushed me up by the butt since I was quite incapable of climbing up myself, while jennyalice and Mama B watched over A and Leelo and their own kids.

I was pretty disappointed in myself and my own inadequate reaction. And disappointed in B for blatantly disobeying and willfully entering into a dangerous situation. Proud of A for independently deciding that we were all where we shouldn't be and climbing back up to safety. And grateful for the tribe that helped me get through it.

Friday, August 03, 2007

M and S

S went to preschool with A and B. He is one of the success stories. Now a rising 3rd grader, fully integrated, doing well. Will totally live independently as an adult. And right now a very sweet kid. Twice this week we found S, his younger brother M, and their cool mama at the local school playground, where all the kids ride their bikes and pull branches off the eucalytpus tree. Last time S helped me find B when he went missing (unnoticed by me, B went into the boys bathroom to pee, all by himself, and S found him washing his hands at the sink). Today S helped me when B tried to escape out of the parking lot on his bike (S on his bike is a lot faster than me on foot!). In retrospect, I don't necessarily think B was trying to escape; rather, he had seen S riding over the speed bumps, thought it was cool, and was doing the same thing.

Oh, by the way, I highly recommend teaching your kids to use their bike brakes BEFORE removing the training wheels. It is VERY hard now for me to teach this important lesson, and they are riding VERY fast.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

B is so present lately. Really on. Paying attention to everything. Thinking about what he wants and how to get it. Trying to repeat words, really trying to make the different sounds, like more, faster, off and on (yes, we're talking about the blender here). A total speed demon on his bike. Wakes me up every morning with his helmet and sneakers on, ready to go. I rub the sleep out of my eyes, put on a bra and shoes, and try my hardest to keep up with him. Although he is doing a great job stopping at the corners and looking for cars. He actually turns his head, points his finger, and says "no cars" (in his own B-way). Beautiful.

A is hanging low. Showing more and more signs of add. It worries me. Except I know that whenever one of them is doing well, the other takes a hiatus. We'll see how it goes.