If our children were to find life partners one day, wouldn't we want their life partner to understand and accomodate their disabilities instead of getting so frustrated by them and/or resenting the manifestations of the disabilities?
So why then do I find it so hard to do the same with my partner?
*** The only person I can ever change is myself***
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3 comments:
I don't know if it is the same. If a disabiity is more overt, then it is clear and known about at the onset of a relationship. Also,there are disabilities, or disorders that we can affect (effect?) and others we can't. If medication can be taken to control or minimize a disorder, then the "owner" of the disability has some responsibility to themselves and family to work to control the symptoms of the disorder.
this has been the fall pit of my parents marriage. I am convinced that my dad was HFA, undiagnosed.
My mother never fully got that. I know she loved him, but often set a bar that was too high on areas where he seemed to have difficulties, and then feel dissapointed.
Looking back, I think it was because in the midst of the everyday life, she wanted a space and time to be understood and supported on her own terms: "Forget the freaking quirkiness for a moment, what about me?!"
It was hard for everybody (me included) to understand how my father could be so brilliant is so many things, and then do so poorly in others.
I think there is a right, within a relationship, to support (even one's shortfalls) and be supported. I can see how frustration arises when it has been a tough week all around, and the partners quirkiness goes in the way of making the other feeling supported.
If there is a lesson that should be learned, may be it is that during our low points, when things feel gloomy and pissy, we should remember that our partner shortcomings have been always there, and only now, because of our own pissyness, they became quite intolerable.
May be those are the times, when we should schedule a massage, and take a night off.
Thanks Captain. I think you hit the nail on the head.
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