Moon

B pointed to the moon and approximated "moon" tonight (I prompted, as T or I do every night it is visible from the bedroom window, to say goodnight to the moon).

Distal pointing.

Yeah.

Sleep Away Camp

I signed up BOTH my boys for 2 sessions of weekend sleepaway camp, in December and March. Such a big step! I think it will be really good for them, and I KNOW it will be really good for me. I talked to another parent there who also has 8 year twin boys with significant disabilities, who was incredulous that T and I have only had 2 nights (not even consecutive) EVER alone together without the boys since they were born. He's been sending his kids to sleepaway camp since they were 5. I'm really hopeful that it will help them increase their independence skills, and just open them up to a new experience. Many thanks to jennyalice and Mama B who supported me in making this big decision!

I accompanied another mom to an iep meeting today. The school psych was trying to explain that her beautiful did not meet the requirements for a mental retardation diagnosis, but he came awfully close. I'm not sure how much she was able to absorb. Just the not mentally retarded part. Or really close. I could see how painful it was for the professionals to break this news to the parent. And yet, the mom needs to know this. She needs to understand as much as possible about what her son needs, including where he is at right now, and what kind of support he needs to progress. Hard day.

Tent Camping!

All four of us went tent camping this weekend, and we all came back whole and healthy with not even a close brush with mortality, so the trip definately exceded my expectations. Sacramento River Delta, with a group of about 65 campers from a special needs group on the Coast, who invited us to join them. Several young adults with disabilities such as downs and autism, including at least one independent young adult with downs who was unaccompanied except by his younger sister. Very supportive group of people. A few high school students around, who were getting social service credits for running after B and helping some of the kids in electric wheelchairs maneuver around the campsite terrain. Great weather, collective meals, swimming and boat rides in the mercury-contaminated fish-filled river. I think we'll do it again next year. Maybe even time to invest in our own tent.

I took my first-ever yoga class tonight, and really enjoyed it. Gentle Yoga, the class is called. 7 students, many with issues such as arthritis, obesity, joint issues. Age range from 20-something to 70-something. Great introduction for me. I'm hoping to be back there next Monday evening.

Good Boy

Every morning when I put B on the school bus, I tell him he has to be a good boy, then ask him if he will be a good boy, then wait for him to echo back "good boy" so I know he is paying attention. Seems like the concept is not quite sinking in though.

B has been having some "issues" with the school bus. The problem started on the day that the classroom staff put someone else's jacket on him on a 90 degree afternoon and sent him home on the bus for a 90 minute ride. Poor guy was overheated and not happy. Ever since then, he has been figuring out how to wriggle out of his buckle guard (and through the guard out the bus window) and wriggle out of the harness (this kid is more agile than Houdini!!!) and walk around the schoolbus as the driver is trying to concentrate on Freeway traffic.

Equation II

so i think there must be an equation between amount of wine drunk and feelings of great love. I think the equation results in a sine curve.

2 glasses of wine later...

The teacher I'd been waiting 2 years for until an opening in her class became available for one of my sons.... is having a hard time with my son. Aaarghhh!!!! I thought she'd be perfect for him, provide enough structure to prevent the negative behaviors and encourage some actual learning and progress. But instead she writes me notes that he is pulling down his pants in the play area and at snack time and starting to poop.

WTF does he have a 1:1 for if not to NOT LET HIM PULL HIS PANTS DOWN AND POOP IN THE PLAY AREA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

One of the many things I'm grateful for

Doing housework is a nonissue in my home. T does the majority of it. I do the things he doesn't like to do. We have periodic disagreements about certain things, but that's on a monthly or yearly basis, not a daily basis. We both share a general philosophy that we each try to get done whatever we can when there's a moment, so noone gets stuck with too much at the end of the day. That's a really nice thing.

The things I want to know about blogging

How come squid's blog always knows who I am, but my own doesn't?
How exactly do you make those cool links to the things you are talking about?
How can I change my background color to purple instead of bright pink?

Fruit Trees

My parents owned and lived in the same home for 32 years and never once planted a fruit tree. Since we bought this house 6 years ago, T has planted 1 lemon tree, 2 peach trees, 1 plum tree, 1 cherry tree, 3 fig trees, 1 apricot tree, 1 nectarine tree, 1 orange tree, 1 apple tree, 2 pear trees, a grape vine, several berry varieties, and a few others that didn't survive. 1 of the peach trees and the orange tree died, and the cherry tree has not born fruit (apparently needs a partner). The berries didn't survive. But we have one heck of a fruit harvest. And if you've ever been to my place, you know we don't have a whole lot of land, nor do we spend an extraordinary amount of time these days in the garden. But oh how beautiful it is to lie in the hammock at sunset and feel the breeze blow threw the leaves and spot the ripened black figs that I plan to pick as soon as I can convince myself to arise.

Equation

I think there must be a mathematical equation that proves how the closer it gets to bedtime (theirs, not mine) the less patience I have.

HOT

Not as in hot mama. As in 97 degrees. As in I want to go to a cool dark bar and drink a beer. And hang out where no-one under age 21 is allowed. Where no one whines, including me.

SuperMoms

Why is it that the moms in my tribe feel like we are required to be supermoms 24/7 and if we miss for like 15 minutes then we consider ourselves to be total failures? Why cant we cut ourselves a break and say hey, I'm doing a really great job, and i do a really great job about 90% of the time, and that's amazing, and I'm amazing and my kids are amazing and if something slides every once in a while its because I'm just human and that's ok, it's a good thing even....

i think i'm going to try to model that attitude. Call me on it if i don't....

Good Day

Yesterday evening I had the most beautiful conversation with my oldest son.
Me: "How was your first day at school? Did you have a good day?"
A: "Good Day."

Ok, I know it is echolalia, and I set him up, but still, he doesn't repeat things that he doesn't understand or doesn't want to say. So I really think he was telling me he had a good day!

And B's teacher said that all things considered B had a good day too. Only problem was escaping. He is way too fast for them. Today she told me that he stole an oreo cookie from another little girl at recess. I love the fact that she is honest with me and reports these things!!!!

I think we're going to have a good year.

As I'm sitting here trying to figure why I am feeling sorry for myself, I realize that I was triggered by my adorable 5 year old neighbor, who I saw earlier this evening as she was getting in the car with her mama to go by crayons and I was schlepping groceries in from my car. "Tomorrow I'm starting kindergarten!" she gleefully told me. So i realized I am suffering from the what-I'm-missing-out-on blues. That was supposed to be me with the cute-as-a-button first-day-of-kindergarten little girl getting ready for Spanish Immersion School and already probably the most bilingual person (adults included) in the entire school.

I love my boys dearly. I really really do. I'm thrilled that BOTH A and B approximated the word school bus as we had our bedtime chat about going back to school tomorrow. I know that they understand that they'll go back to school on the school bus tomorrow, and that is AMAZING. But it's not italy.

B-T-S

Back-To-School always gives me the heebie-geebies. I guess that's what I really should have told the newspaper reporter. The hardest part about being a mom of special needs kids at back to school time is the harsh reminder of just how different our lives are. I'm just fucking tired of always being different, having kids who are different. I guess i need a lesson in accepting our differences.

Male Nurse

I go out of my way to identify and select women to be my doctors. As a general rule, I really don't like being touched by men I don't know. Even my dentist is a woman. So I was quite disconcerted at the doctors office the other day when my (female) doctor told me the NURSE would be right in to hook me up for an EKG which involved HIM going under my bra, all around my legs, and other (previously) private areas.

As you all know, I'm the last to favor gender-based stereotypes. So I shouldn't necessarily have been envisioning a female nurse. But it did throw me a bit.

Squid Saves the Day

I am still in the process of recovering from A Very Scary Incident During Which I Lose Visual Contact With My Youngest Son In a Dog-Horse-Chicken-Filled Ravine That I Can't Climb Out Of.

In our relationship, T is the one who is always looking out for potentially dangers and pitfalls for the boys, and I am the one always saying, oh, let's just try it, it will be ok, noone is going to get hurt. He thinks I'm slack and careless, I think he's a paranoid scaredy-cat. In the end, I think we probably balance each other out nicely.

But I am rethinking the level of risk to take now. After the Scary Incident. In part because I PANICKED. I always assumed that if I perceived my children to be in mortal danger, that I would react immediately and appropriately to rescue them. But in reality, I just stood at the top of the ravine and screamed my head off. Which of course had no affect on B. Or rather it had the affect he was looking for, and thus he just ran further down the ravine.

Fortunately, my hot mama friends came to the rescue. Squid bravely and calmly (something I couldn't muster at all, but had a wonderful affect on B) went down to the depths of the poison oak and sticker patches and pushed B up by the butt, then pushed me up by the butt since I was quite incapable of climbing up myself, while jennyalice and Mama B watched over A and Leelo and their own kids.

I was pretty disappointed in myself and my own inadequate reaction. And disappointed in B for blatantly disobeying and willfully entering into a dangerous situation. Proud of A for independently deciding that we were all where we shouldn't be and climbing back up to safety. And grateful for the tribe that helped me get through it.

M and S

S went to preschool with A and B. He is one of the success stories. Now a rising 3rd grader, fully integrated, doing well. Will totally live independently as an adult. And right now a very sweet kid. Twice this week we found S, his younger brother M, and their cool mama at the local school playground, where all the kids ride their bikes and pull branches off the eucalytpus tree. Last time S helped me find B when he went missing (unnoticed by me, B went into the boys bathroom to pee, all by himself, and S found him washing his hands at the sink). Today S helped me when B tried to escape out of the parking lot on his bike (S on his bike is a lot faster than me on foot!). In retrospect, I don't necessarily think B was trying to escape; rather, he had seen S riding over the speed bumps, thought it was cool, and was doing the same thing.

Oh, by the way, I highly recommend teaching your kids to use their bike brakes BEFORE removing the training wheels. It is VERY hard now for me to teach this important lesson, and they are riding VERY fast.

B is so present lately. Really on. Paying attention to everything. Thinking about what he wants and how to get it. Trying to repeat words, really trying to make the different sounds, like more, faster, off and on (yes, we're talking about the blender here). A total speed demon on his bike. Wakes me up every morning with his helmet and sneakers on, ready to go. I rub the sleep out of my eyes, put on a bra and shoes, and try my hardest to keep up with him. Although he is doing a great job stopping at the corners and looking for cars. He actually turns his head, points his finger, and says "no cars" (in his own B-way). Beautiful.

A is hanging low. Showing more and more signs of add. It worries me. Except I know that whenever one of them is doing well, the other takes a hiatus. We'll see how it goes.

B on Bike

B has just about mastered riding a 2 wheeler. I'm so proud of him. T took one side of the training wheels off, and B did just fine. He gains speed and keeps his balance. Pays attention to where he's going. And so motivated! Put his helmet on at 7:30am, and his shoes.
Me: What do you want, B?
B: Bah.
Me: Bike?
B: Bah!
Me: Ok, take off your pajamas and put on some pants, and we'll go outside and ride bikes.
Within the blink of an eye, he was dressed and ready to go! Sped down three blocks to the end of our street, and then we turned around and came home, me panting, trying to keep up with him.

I think I need to buy a bicycle for myself, because I surely can't run fast enough.

Reflections on the Past Year

Among the things I realized this past year:
* My children really do have autism. Ok, so I'm still a bit in denial, but almost, almost at the point of acceptance.
* I feel best when I'm working to make positive changes in our community.
* I'm proud of the work of the task force.
* I still don't have as much patience as I need.
* I feel best when I include exercise and meditation as part of my daily/weekly routine.
* Building relationships is key.
* I control my thoughts; I control my life. (I tend to forget this last one too often).

Harry Potter

Spoiler Alert: I am about to reveal the main point of the entire Harry Potter series, including Movie #5, Order of the Phoenix.

Friendship and Love are the most important things in life.

Trust your friends. Look out for them. Follow your heart. Tune in to your instinct. Have confidence in your own abilities, and also recognize that you can't always do it alone.

I think that's why I like the series so much. Plus the fact that it is a total escape from reality, like a mini-vacation from being stuck inside my own mind.

My good friend Moon came over for a visit today. I adore this child for many reasons, one of which is the fact that he is the only child in the universe who asks to go to A and B's house for playdates. Here's a glimpse at the first 5 minutes of our date:

Moon: I want to watch THIS video!
Me: Moon, do you come over here just to watch videos? (naively thinking this was a good way to seg towards interactive playing)
Moon: Yes!
You've got to love his honesty!
A moment later, he is at the toy shelf, pulling out the box of trains and the box of traintracks. Sorts through, and finds James. Tries sticking a few magnet trains to the back of James, and seems somewhat agitated.
Moon: Where's the t..m...ah?
Me: Where's the what?
Moon: The t...m...ah!
Me: I don't know, let's look in the box.
Moon: I can't find James' t...m...ah
Me: The Thomas train?
Moon: No, the t..m...ah!
Me: Maybe we don't have one.
Moon: James needs a t..m...ah
Me: A timer?
Moon: No, a T...NM...EH.
Me: A movie? A movie about James?
At the mention of movie, Moon takes James and goes back to the living room to watch the video he picked out. A sees Moon with trains, and goes into the front room and continues sorting through the box of trains, lining them up in row. When the video gets boring, Moon joins A, and now spies what he is looking for.
Moon: Here it is! James' tender!
Of course, James always has a tender. Ignorant me, not only do I not pay enough attention to the omnipresent video to realize what was missing from James, I don't have a vocabulary nearly as sophisticated as Moon, who although he has slight articulation issues, sure knows his train parts!!!

We had a lovely playdate. Picked and ate apples from the tree in the backyard. Played hide and seek. Played catch, jumped on the trampoline, water play. A few rounds of the aligator dentist game. Another video and the promise that he could take one home later if he agreed to play outside for a while. Very nice.

Lack of anonymity.
Sense of community.
Which is it?
Both, I guess.
Or maybe just the small town feel of this town.
Where I take my kid downtown to hear some free live music, and we run into his preschool instructional assistant, a colleague from work, and the County autism specialist and her kid, all within about 30 minutes. Luckily I was with A and he was extremely well behaved, actually sat on the edge of the fountain without getting wet at all and enjoyed the music for at least 4 songs, and when he got up and I asked him if he wanted to dance, he DANCED for a moment.

JOAN!

We went to see Joan Armatrading in concert last night. Absolutely amazing. She is one of my top 3 favorite singer/songwriters. Right up there with Tracy Chapman and Gilberto Gil. Excellent show. We were in the FIRST Row!!!! I've never ever been in the first row before. She looked at me, smiled at me, sang to me, danced with me. And the techies let us take her song list at the end of the show! Amazing.

ready to retire

Why is it that people retire at 62 but not 42? I'm quite ready to retire now. Although there was a good bit of stress on my vacation, it's nothing compared to the stress of returning to work.

Good Trip, Great Boys

I really couldn't ask for better behaved EIGHT year old boys. A has been an absolute angel. Puts his dirty clothes in the basket in the laundry room, clears his plate off the table and puts it in the sink when he is done eating, asks to go pee-pee when he has to. Total pleasure. B has done a great job, too. Other than climbing up on to the glass dining room table to spin the chandelier, he has been remarkably well behaved. Yelled a handful of times. Drinks the pool water. But nothing major, no big problems. Both very lovey with my grandma, especially A. A, B and Nana were sitting together on the couch this afternoon, A really cuddling with her and interacting with her, and B right there next to them, not missing any of the action. My folks have really been good with the boys, too. I have to give my mom a lot of credit. She really has assumed responsibility for them in many ways. It's been good practice -- quite possibly for August, when maybe she'll take one of them back here for a week. And we've all been ok without T. Although I do miss his company/companionship/partnership/love, in many ways it is less stressful and calmer and less work without him at my folks house. Interesting, I wasn't really expecting it to be that way.

Nana

A bonded with his 94 year old great-grandmother today. They sat at the table together reading a train book. They counted 1-2-3-4-5 trains. They pointed at the passengers and the trees and the conductor. They had a great time. When I got ready to drive Nana home at the end of the evening, B ran to put his shoes on. He decided he was coming with us. Pressed the right buttons on the elevator. Greeted Nana's friend in the hallway (said bye instead of hi, but it was still appropriate because we were on our way out.). Very good boys.

Florida

I've told Grandma she's in charge. Today she and grandpa took the boys to Gee Whiz, the children's science museum in Sarasota, while I had a lovely afternoon with my grandmother. She told me stories of how my grandfather's mother got divorced when my grandfather was a toddler, because her husband, who was a milkman, was cheating on her. And how she and a woman friend invested $400 in stock in the 1960s and that it's worth a lot more than that now.

The boys are loving the pool. B has swallowed about half of it already. A is teaching himself to swim. He puts his face in the water and blows bubbles. And he is jumping in off the side of the pool. I know he is preparing himself for the diving board at the RM pool, which he is fascinated by.

B did just fine on the plane. A did great on his own with Grandma/pa. I'm very proud of them both.

Airplane

Next week we are flying to Florida. Grandma is here now, and is leaving on the plane with A on Tuesday. Then B and I fly down on Thursday. I'm freaking out a bit about this all. About how A is going to handle being just with Grandma and Grandpa for a couple of days. About how I am going to handle both boys without T for a whole week. This will be the longest time T and I have been apart since I was pregnant. This is one vacation I am not really looking forward to.

Anniversary

Today is our 7th wedding anniversary! We are celebrating with a dinner date tomorrow evening. A wonderful opportunity to reflect on how blessed I am with my amazing family.

A

A and his tutor are in session. Tutor points to a picture of a car taped to a whiteboard easel.
T: "What's that?"
A replies in his whisper voice, "car".
T: "point to the car" A points.
T: "write the word car" A takes the dry erase marker and writes CAR.

B

B is hooked on airborne. I don't know if what he likes is the fizz, the flavor, the color, or the cool cylinder that they come in, or a combination of all of the above, or something I'm overlooking. In any case, he found the tube in the kitchen this morning, and put one in his tea. Then he wanted another one. I told him no, he already had one, and asked him if he wanted a vitamin. "Vite" . So of course he got one. Then he tricked me to get out of the way, and grabbed the airborne tube again. This time his papa intervened. "Open". (sounds more like uhpuh, but the intent was crystal clear). T replies with "Uno" trying to get B to agree in advance to just one more. B: "Uhpuh". T tries again, "uno" and holds up one finger. B responds by holding up one finger. Gets his second fizz of the morning.

Today's Little Slice of Heaven

The Scene: Both boys in session with tutors. Door open. I approach.
Tutor to A: Who's that?
A (turning to look into my eyes): Mama
My heart absolutely melts.

Roller skates

I've spent about 2 years (very intermittenly, of course) looking for a pair of roller skates for B, on his 1st grade teachers' recommendation (I guess they had a pair at school that he liked). I hadn't been able to find a pair in his size that were not inline and not pink (my criteria, not B's). Well I finally found them, and Teacher J was right! He loves them. Has been skating around the living room in them. Started to do tricks, like putting one on and jumping off the couch -- really cool. Or putting them both on and going down the one and only stair in our entire 700 sq ft house. He's really cute about it though, finding them whereever they are, putting them on himself, and just enjoying himself. So very nice to see him just enjoying himself.

Big Brother A

We were at the little animal/berry farm on the coast yesterday, hanging out in front of the chicken pens. B is casually sticking his fingers through the holes in the chicken wire. I tell him to move his fingers out of the fence. No response. I tell him he better be careful or the chickens will eat his fingers off. A moves over to B and physically pulls his fingers out of the fence for him. Good job taking care of your bro, A!

focus

I think maybe i've developed add. I can't seem to focus on anything. It takes me forever to get anything done. Feeling very unproductive. Do you think it's age? Is this normal? It doesn't feel normal.

Ok, so back to happiness. Like this morning. B woke up really happy. He lost a wiggly tooth, and I think he was pleased with this. Also, the bedroom furniture was rearranged, and he saw a great jumping opportunity. Only thing is, he needed me to move so he wouldn't land on top of me. I'm not sure if he was being considerate of me and didn't want me to get hurt if he landed on me, or if he surmised that he'd be better off landing on the mattress than on mama (although these days, I'm probably even more squishy than the mattress). Anyway, he was just so purposeful with what he wanted, selecting a magazine from our bathroom collection to take back into bed with him after his early morning pee in the potty, arranging the covers the way he thought they should be, and later pouring himself a bowl of his current favorite cereal (peanut butter panda puffs). And happily munching away on them. Yeah. Happy. B was happy this morning. And that is a real blessing. He used to wake up crying (as T reminded me). Now he wakes up happy and purposeful and able to communicate enough and act enough to get what he wants. And he's happy. What a blessing.

Happiness

Every once in a while, not nearly often enough, I am able to totally BE in the present moment and enjoy and appreciate all my blessings. And really be happy. Sure, pieces of life are hard. Of course, I wish that my children's lives were easier. Maybe not easier, but less complicated. I don't want my children to suffer. But isn't that what all parents want? And so many parents watch their children suffer because they can't afford to feed them nutritious food, or buy them medicine when they are sick.

But I digress. I meant to write about happiness and here I am writing about suffering. I guess that's why I find it so hard to STAY in the present moment.

Happy Mothers Day!

I've discovered the perfect antidote to the mothers day blues. I'm a bit too shy to come right out and say it on my blog, but I'll give you a big hint. It involves the activity you were engaged in that made it possible for you to celebrate mothers day today.
Now, if only the kids would fall asleep.....

summer camp

So we went to visit camp crum this morning. B would definately need a 1:1, and they definately don't have 1:1 available at this point for this summer. So we will put a "sign up for summer camp" reminder in the calendar for November (when of course that is the last thing we think about in NOVEMBER), to see if we can secure 2 spots for next year. very beautiful, in the mountains, but lots of potential danger for a bolter. And I don't want to send A by himself the first time. So we'll wait. They both really liked the place though.

power of mind

I got an email yesterday, a powerpoint presentation on "The Secret: Law of Attraction" basically, what you think about, happens. If you think about good things, then good things will happen. If you htink about bad things, then bad things will happen. That our truest beliefs, our deepest thoughts, make things happen.

Do you think that's true?

Progress

Trying to Brush teeth by self (A, B)
Buttoning own pants (A mastered, B trying)
Trying to talk (A, B)
Trying new foods (B: watermelon; A: pork)
Playing with the waves at the beach (A, B)
Following directions, sitting at the table for dinner, learning to wash own bodies in the shower (A, B)
Making time to meditate (me)

VERY Special

Five years after my sons were diagnosed, I am still totally blown out of the water. I suspect I never really left the denial stage, haven't yet made it to the acceptance stage. At first I willfully opposed the entire concept of acceptance, as it felt too much like quitting. Rather than accept they had autism, I wanted to cure them of autism. And thus spent the first year full steam ahead, learning as much as I could about mercury, methylation, peptides, opioids, EFAs, ABA, apraxia, proprioception, due process, IDEA, FAPE, and the like. When we reached the magic milestone of 5 years of age, and it was clear that early intervention did not equate with "cure" in our case, I began groping again for a theory, a vision, that could pull me through. By the time the boys turned six, I had pretty much settled on:

Fully accept and love both A and B exactly as they are today. Believe that anything is possible in the future. Do whatever I can to help them reach their fullest potential, whatever that may be.

This, combined with my overall worldview of:

Fight injustice whereever it may be found. Work towards system change. Each of us can make a difference. Accept personal responsibility for making the world a better place.

has lead be to where I am today.

So why does it hit me like a ton of bricks when the special needs summer sleepaway camp coordinator calls me to say that she has reviewed my applications for the boys, and despite our initial phone conversation she now feels like my children need more support than their camp can offer right now. This is a FUCKING SPECIAL NEEDS summer camp. That's all they serve is kids with special needs. I'm not fighting to get my kids included in a typical summer camp. I'm aware that we couldn't handle that. But this is supposed to be for kids with special needs. WE ARE JUST TOOOO FUCKING SPECIAL.

What a hit. I'm still trying to recover from it.

Thirsty?

Then just dip your hand into the toilet bowl and scoop yourself out some water to drink, yum! Even better if Brother A was the last one to use the toilet, because then you have a 50% chance of getting some pee mixed in with your water. Gives a whole new meaning to mixed drink.

I thought my youngest son had outgrown the toilet bowl drinking habit already. Guess I was wrong.....

Priorities and Motivation

for me and my kids. Sometimes I think that B is the biggest procrastinator in the world (like in the morning when it is time to get dressed but he wants to watch the train video or line up my earring collection). But then I think of myself, and how it takes me forever to get some relatively straightforward tasks done and how I invent these other priorities (like writing in my blog, or better yet, reading your blog) instead of doing what needs to be done (signing my kids up for summer camp, calling back the doctor, filing my taxes - ok, I squeaked in at the last minute for that one).

Spring Resolutions

Rules to live by:
Be intentional.
Prioritize.
Live in the present moment.
Think kind thoughts about others.
Think before talking.

Short term goals:
Generate creative energy.
Connect with people who inspire and energize me.
Don't be afraid to take on an occasional challenge.
Don't take on too many challenges at the same time.
Seek support.

BEACH

Cold breeze, bright sun, Pacific waves, and my two beautiful boys playing in the surf. Fear overcome. Frigid waters ignored. Watchful of the big waves. Splashing, jumping, huge smiles on their faces. Such a beautiful day that grandma and I decided to pretend it was mothers day.

Spring Crisis

So I'm starting to notice a springtime crisis pattern. I think it's the confluence of work-related stress (triggered by the end-and-then-beginning of my program's fiscal year budget), tax season, iep season, and usually exacerbated by a trip to florida.

Connected

I really connected with B this evening. T and A had already gone to bed (T was asleep, A was waiting on the top bunk to make sure that B would lie down in the bottom bunk). B had started to tear up a bit on the couch, not a meltdown, just a sadness, which happens to him from time to time, in a way that makes me wonder if he is reflecting on a sad emotion, on a really profound insight on the world and his own life, or if he has gas or maybe constipation. Or a combination of all that. Anyway, then he started going through the kitchen cabinets in a very purposeful way, and comes to the table with an unopened large plastic bottle of V8 like juice (which he has always rejected up to this point) and a wine glass (his beverage recipient of choice, and please don't try to offer him the plastic alternative in the same shape, only glass will do). I ask him if he wants me to open the juice, and he approximates open, so I do. He tries to pour but the bottle is big, full and heavy and his glass is thin and breakable, and the liquid is red, so I intervene and pour for him, just a 1/3 glass since I think he won't like it. He starts to drink, makes a bit of a face, but finishes his glass eventually. Then he wants more, so I pour him another 1/3 glass, and he protests, so I pour him a tiny bit more and tell him it's a lot (it is already 9pm and we try to avoid letting him have too much liquid at bedtime since until a few months ago bedwetting was a regular occurance). But he protests again and very clearly wants more, so I pour him a very full glass and he is happy. Does he really want that much juice, or is it just visually appealing to watch the thick red liquid fill up the pretty wine glass? But eventually he drinks it all. Meanwhile, he comes over to my chair, puts his arm around me and gives me a kiss. Then he spends some time peering into my mouth, exploring my teeth and tongue. What a little guy. He has so much going on inside his head, and there is so little of that that I really manage to understand. I think I need to try understanding much harder. My sweet boy.

Out to lunch

My family went out to lunch today. All four of us. After esoccer. To a restaurant that does not sport golden arches. We ate frenchfries (A) and Steak (B) and generally behaved very well. No scenes. We all got to finish our meals. We weren't the ones feeding the ducks, but we enjoyed watching them run after the bread that the neighboring diners were throwing to them.

Ah, small miracles.

Gilberto Gil

Wow, what an amazing concert on Wed. night! So spiritual, moving, touched me deep to my soul. Made me consider culture in a whole new way. Powerful messages with equally powerful delivery.

Failure

I had the opportunity to look failure in the face this past week. Tore part of my soul out I believe. Raised a lot of issues for me regarding ethics, value, communication, and ability. In the end I was able to conclude that I hadn't really failed. Or at least that the failure wasn't 100% attributable to me. But in the process I self-learned that I have A LOT of issues with my own failure. I have a really hard time accepting the fact that I may not be successful in something that I attempt. That I may fail in something that I attempt and try really hard to achieve. I may fail even though I try my best. That terrifies me. I may fail even though I try my best. I think that is the heart of my terror. I think that is a lesson that I really need to learn. That even though I try my best I may fail. And that's ok.

balance

i think i need to spend less time worried and stressed out over my children's futures and more time enjoying the present moment with them.

super stress

super stressed out by work right now. specifically with a miscommunication, probably series of miscommunications, with a colleague who i am charged with supervising. we spend a lot of time describing the two different sides of the same coin without agreeing that we are both looking at the same coin. things came to a head on friday afternoon -- i'm not 100% sure how we came to 2 very different conclusions at the end of the same conversation -- and i think she may be ready to resign. this is exactly the sort of thing that triggers my stress levels and keeps me up at 3am in tears and frustration. not exactly a healthy response.

proud

B is snuggled up on the couch with his papa right now, both are watching the featherweight boxing tournament of the Caribbean. Both equally absorbed. A already brushed his teeth and went to bed when it became clear that he lost the Thomas v Boxing battle.

A wrote his name by himself yesterday. He was doing his homework, letter coyping worksheets, and I asked him to write his name without giving him any visual prompts. Just, write your name x x x x. And he did. Beautifully. I'm so proud.

Question

If our children were to find life partners one day, wouldn't we want their life partner to understand and accomodate their disabilities instead of getting so frustrated by them and/or resenting the manifestations of the disabilities?

So why then do I find it so hard to do the same with my partner?

*** The only person I can ever change is myself***

migraine headaches

possible triggers:
* alcohol
* stress at work
* not enough sleep
* stress at home
* not eating well
* combination of stress at home and work
* not drinking enough water
* not taking enough time for myself
* stress

things i need to do

1. Get A new eyeglasses
2. Make dentist appointments for both boys and myself
3. pay bills
4. do taxes.
5. figure out next ieps
6. review home program notebooks
7. wash kitchen floor
8. get a massage

OCD

is driving me crazy!

Honeymoon

Back from our first ever night together away from the kids. It was really fun!!!! We went to the Jackson Rancheria Hotel and Casino (!) to see Steppenwolf on their final 4oth anniversary tour. Spent the night there. Went to a casino for our first (T) or first-since-turning-21-and-not-getting-kicked-out (S) time, but were too overwhelmed by the smoke, noise, crowd, unfamiliarity of the whole situation, and stupidness of putting money in a machine just to push a button a few times, and eventually just lose the money. The concert was great, though, I enjoyed it much more than I expected too, in part because we were in the fourth row and could actually see John Kay's facial expressions as he sang. We also ran into one of the boys' aides from preschool there! On the way back we stopped in a really cute town called Sutter Creek, wandered into some art and antique stores (places we could never dream of walking into with the kids), chatted over coffee, stopped at the Chocolate Factory and again at the Tracy Outlets (As we are driving in the car, I'm trying to explain to T about the Outlet stores, sabes los almacenes donde todo es mas barato, and he says, como los "outlets"?. The selectiveness of his English vocabulary never fails to amaze me.
Meanwhile, grandma and grandpa held down the fort at home, taking B bowling (!) and out to lunch (!), getting A off to school just fine, getting everyone in bed and asleep by 10pm with no jumping, and left me wondering why we waited 8 years to try this....

Will

I don't have a will. It's just one of the many things that still hasn't made it to the top of my priority list. But if by some fluke both my husband and I should die in a car crash or something, I want my parents to take care of my kids. And I want you all to tell them everything they need to know so they can do it.
Thanks.

confronting my own prejudices

I want to challenge myself to confront my own prejudices. The Captain showed me a blow-me-over video by a woman with autism, and a couple of websites written by people with autism, that really has me thinking alot about the assumptions that I make regarding people with disabilities. I make assumptions based on what I see or what I believe about categories of people that can be totally off base and of course disrepectful. I think the big lesson for me is don't assume.

Age-ism is another issue that I need to work on.

Taking responsibility

Owning up to the things I mess up. Saying, I should have done that, but I didn't. Or, I'm sorry for doing xyz. Sometimes it really makes a difference.

socks

Tonight, after his shower, when he was putting on his pjs, A realized something was missing and made a spontaneous verbal request.
Socks.


Amazing.

e-soccer

Today was the first day of the e-soccer season. I was very proud of all 3 of us. Of me for being brave enough to take the 2 of them. Of A for sticking through it the whole time, although in the past he's been apprehensive about the whole thing. And of B for only bolting 3 times, and always towards me, never towards the street. Coach J literally did a double-take when he saw me walk up with both A and B, since he's never met A before, only B. I swear I saw his jaw drop. Assistant coaches David and Justin were just amazing with B and A, despite the fact that - or perhaps because -- they themselves are still teenagers.

A New Year

I had a hard time deciding if I should first go back and see what my last year's resolutions were or first write this year's resolutions. I think I'll start with this year's, and then go back and check.

1. Patience. This is an ongoing resolution for me. I am definately more patient than I've been, and not as patient as I need to be. Probably will always be the case. The important thing, I think, is to keep working on it.

2. Appreciating what I have. This includes being grateful for my partner and my children, my whole family, my friends and support network. Also appreciating all of the material blessings that we have, including a roof over our heads, plenty of healthy food, running water and electricity ALL THE TIME, employment, and all the basics.

3. Let things go. Don't let all the little annoying things that happen hundreds of times a day bother me. Recognize that I control how I feel about things, I can be annoyed, or I can let it go. I can always choose to let it go.

4. Think positive. Dwell on what I DO want to happen, not on what I DONT want to happen. Focus on what is good, not what is bad.

RVing

I just made reservations for our upcoming RV trip. We are leaving this Saturday, heading south to the beach for 5 days. Now its time to start making my lists of what to pack, what to buy, what to cook and freeze to bring with us, etc etc.... I hope the nights are not tooo cold in the rv. Other than that, it'll be a blast.

present moment

in this moment, I am so grateful for you. For your existence. for your support. thank you. read the purple goddess entryn on squid's blog about the movie about secrets. stay focussed. stay present. stay happy. you can do it. you can. really. iloveyou. really i do.

be strong. be real. stay focussed. believe

BELIEVE

THAT IS THE KEY

BELIEVE

tricky balance

Walking that fine line between being totally overwhelmed and understanding that I'm doing the best I can in this moment with these circumstances. I keep tilting back into overwhelmed as I can't quite disregard my self-expectation to be the best at what I try to do.

4 visits to Kaiser in 1 week

Started with B on Monday, to get a blood draw (poor little guy) and hand xray, order by his ped bec. we are concerned, get this, abt his new patch of pubic hair. At 7, it's a bit young. Doc agreed, hence the lab tests. We saw the endocrinologist today, who says probably nothing major to worry about, but he may wind up with an early growth spurt and then stop growing before his peers, and wind up being pretty short. Not surprising since neither his papa nor I pass the 5-4 mark. And a tendency towards diabetes. Again, not surprising, since his papa is prediabetic and his paternal grandfather had diabetes too. But really, I could have done without the additional worry.
Yesterday A had his extra (aka shark) tooth removed, which required IV sedation. While he was under, they took xrays, did a bunch of fillings and sealed everything sealable. It was his first time under anesthesia, so I was quite worried (even though B has been under 3 x already).
And just to really make it a fun week, on Wed I get a call from the school nurse (what, they actually exist?!?) who says that A's teacher called her bec she was concerned that A had 3 (count em, 3) pee accidents at school. Could be a uti or high blood sugar she says (in a VM msg of course). So I get him in to his Ped. (who is really just the sweetest guy) who runs a quick urine test, rules out anything abnormal, and suggests it is a behavior. (conclusion which was reinforced today when I checked on him in the shower and found he had pulled his underpants out of the laundry basket, and was wearing them, soaking wet, in the shower. I guess there must be something sensory-pleasing about wearing wet underwear.... oh no)

Popeye

I am what I am. Isnt that what Popeye said? Real heartfelt acceptance of who one is, and who others are. That seems like one of the lessons that I need to learn.

spinning planets

I always wind up overwhelmed at the end of conferences on autism. So much information, so much more to be done, all the time, every day. So many skills required that stretch me to my limits. But lots and lots of good information. My favorite part (I guess I'm watching too much Dora) were the presentations by Jerry and Mary Newport, two adults (married) with aspergers who are so incredibly articulate and insightful. They've written several books, and their movie has recently been released Mozart and the Whale. The best line of the weekend was when Jerry said something like If the Creator weren't at least a little bit autistic, then why did he make all the planets spin?!? The handouts should be posted shortly at www.autism-conferences.com

Turkey-Anxiety Syndrome

Ok, so maybe you'll have to remind me that every year I tend to freak out that the turkey is a total failure, but it tends to work out just fine in the end. Not a reason to do the thanksgiving dinner again next year, just a realization that for some reason cooking turkey makes me unusually anxious. Oh, and please remind me that just before the panic sets in, I should pour myself a glass of wine. So here's what happened last night:

After venting here, I poured myself that much needed glass of wine, turned the oven back on, put the turkey back in there, set the table with all the other yummies we (read: T.) made, such as asparagus and brussel sprouts smothered in garlic, tomato salad, two different cranberry sauces, pan-fried stuffing, and the inevitable olive tray of my childhood. Plus some leftovers for my beautiful boys, who refuse to eat anything green (or red). Although to give credit to B, he stuck his finger in the cranberry sauce and tried it, and was really fascinated by the brussel sprouts (i think b/c they are ball shaped) and would smell them but did not want to taste them. And we sat down to a truly lovely meal. At 8pm when the turkey was finally ready, T carved it up, and we all sat down and devoured it. B absolutely loved it, gobbling down a plate of white meat without once trying to escape from the table (which has become his sop at mealtime). We were all so full that we decided to put dessert off until this morning, and have it for breakfast.

Remind Me

Please, remind me next November, that I do not actually enjoy cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Remind me NOT to do Thanksgiving dinner next year. Remind me that the fantasy family that lives in my dreams lives only there (and they can eat fantasy turkey). Remind me, come November 2007, that I should rent an RV and spend Thanksgiving weekend at the beach or the mountains, giving thanks that I do not have a half raw/half burned turkey in my oven, stuffing stuck to the pan, and not nearly enough wine on hand to get through the evening.

Proud Mama

I am so proud of A. I went to his school this morning for a Thanksgiving breakfast with his class. It was so great to see him being a completely well-behaved little boy who knows his routine and how to follow directions, interested in the other children, playing nicely, following prompts to speak to instead of touching the other children. Just lovely. And all the teachers/paras were just soooo nice, really lovely people interested in and concerned about the children. It made me feel really good abt his placement. A always goes off to school with a smile, and I can really see why. I think it is a good place for him. And for this, I give thanks.

C.A.C.

Luckily my cynicism didn't last (does anyone know how to spellcheck on blog?). I ventured on the the SELPA's Community Advisory Committee (council, commission????), which is not really advisory in much at all, I learned. Nor are the meetings well attended. Or purposeful. But hopefully that can all be changed! Amiga, your idea of the Spec Ed pta is absolutely right, and should be the next step. Let's make this happen. Basically 1-2 parents in SMFCSD made theirs happen, and it is incredibly well attended. So I'm sure we can do the same here.

A Speak

Ah wah buhbuh djoo

Totally spontaneous, unprompted, out of the blue.

For the uninitiated, this is a close-to-perfect rendition of I want bubble juice.

For those unacquainted with a 7 year old, this means sparkling juice.

Why do they call it "Blue Ribbon"?

So, I've got the Superintendent's ear. She and her 3 top dogs met with one other parent and me this morning regarding our concerns about the County's lack of appropriate programs for children with autism. I'm embarrassed to say that I think we walked away from the hour long meeting with me feeling more empathy for her situation then her for mine. I guess that's a sign of a good politician (or a bad advocate). Too many kids, not enough funding, union/employee rights, our hands are tied, etc. etc etc. Hopefully the Blue Ribbon Task Force on Autism (which I also have the honor of participating in) will come up with all the answers. Or maybe we'll all just talk our heads off for 4 more meetings until the mandate is up, without producing any real results. Pardon my cynisism (esp since I can't come close to spelling it correctly). As usual, it is much easier to be on the outside protesting in, then on the inside actually coming up with viable solutions. Let me know if you have any good ideas.

holidays

what is it about the holidays that totally overwhelms and depresses me?
i need to work on modifying my expectations to be more in tuned with reality.
i think if i had nt kids, it'd be so much easier to just blow off the holidaze bs, since i really don't buy into anyway. but now it just seems like one more way that we don't fit in.....

Delighting in my talking children

What a delight to my ears! Alex requesting ortilla without even a model. Benji asking for ooooo (juice) without even a model. Just spontaneous self-initiated requests. Heaven.

Little Miss Sunshine

Very good movie. Go see it. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll clap for the 7 year old girl who is "different" from her "peers" but she and her family are ok with that. At least I did.

Buhbuh

B. -- Will talk for bubbles too.

Read this

http://ani.autistics.org/dont_mourn.html

This is a link to a powerful articulate statement by an adult with autism, directed to parents of children on the spectrum.

http://www.grasp.org/media/mourn.pdf
Here's an alternative link. Thanks, Squid, for the heads up.

Pampering

Usually, I'm not really big on self-pampering. I've never in my life gotten a pedicure. Once a manicure (for my baby shower, of all occasions). Get my hair cut at Supercuts. But I totally splurged the other day at Costco, and bought myself a vibrating toothbrush (not those hi-tech systems, a 3-for-$12 pack). And I am LOVING it! Just had to share.

A thousand meetings, trainings, emails, and conversations later, and I still can't secure a decent (oh, excuse me, appropriate) placement for my own kids. B's teacher is leaving. Just found out today. I swear, I didn't have anything to do with this one! I've been trying to be nice to her and share information without telling her that she's an incompetent idiot. I'm not particularly upset abt losing this particular teacher, just about another transition for B, the message it sends to the paras, a whole new learning curve, and some fear and trepidation abt who they might bring in. If we're lucky, maybe it will be Sub K. Although I understand that as of this July 2006, the whole emergency credential game goes down the drain, they actually have to scrunge enough enough real credentialed teachers, and actually pay them decent enough wages so that they'll stay.

I wish I knew how to make everything better.

Will talk for water! I love that!!!

Rough Week

So this morning the doctor said that both boys are fine, no need after all to take A to the emergency room for stitches (because there is a risk of infection if done more than 12 hours after the injury) on his chin, to heal the deep gash he sustained falling down in the shower (apparently it is not safe for young children to climb up the shower wall). And B does not seem to have suffered any internal damage from the school bus accident on Tuesday morning. Yeah, B's bus driver was rearended on the 280 by a driver who fell asleep at the wheel. CHP detained the bus for about an hour while he examined everything and did his rpt. Noone bothers to notify parents at this time, or anyone with any idea on how to deal with a bus load of very special children on their way to PV. I can only imagine that hour. And then get this: At 3:20 that afternoon, I get a call from a spec ed administrator who asks me to pick B up at school bc the afternoon busdriver refused to take him home because he was missing the buckle guard he usually uses to prevent him from unbuckling himself and walking around the bus. Well apparently in the hoohaa of the bus accident, the am driver lost the little plastic gadget.

I better stop here - writing it increases rather than decreases my stress as I relive how frustrating the whole thing is.

AAARRRGGGHHH.

Water

Not to be outdone by his older brother, B is determined to make his own water related milestones. In order to get his own access to that precious liquid, he scrunched up his lips in the exaggerated "w" shape we all make when we want B to imitate a sound, and forced out a whaaa sound. Here you go, buddy, a brand new water bottle for you!

agua

Not surprisingly, the answer to A's first independent response to a WH question was agua. The question, of course, was "What do you want?" I'm particularly proud of him because it was clearly not even a scripted answered, since no-one has been teaching him to answer questions asked in English with Spanish answers.

Transitions

I think I am having a harder time with this transition than my boys. Possibly because they are not fully aware of what is happening to their home program. They've been pretty welcoming to the new tutors, some testing, but it seems ok. And D. will still be around, and I'm sure we'll see her for respite from time to time. I should see if she wants to set up a steady schedule, once a week, once a month, or whatever. But today was T's last day. She and I were both teary when she left. She's been working with the boys for 3 years, now, and by far has logged in the most hours with them. And of course they adore her. She's one of the few people who really believes in them. I'm going to miss her alot.

iep forms link

http://www.icoe.k12.ca.us/ICOE/Departments/SELPA/IEP+Meeting+Agendas/

An excellent website with links to IEP info, forms, etc.

Everything you always wanted to know about IEPs but...

http://www.icoe.k12.ca.us/NR/rdonlyres/2C5885E2-BA79-467F-95FA-4D6B05A69426/5204/StIEPmanual.pdf

IEP MANUAL
WRITING IEPs
FOR EDUCATIONAL BENEFIT
March 2006
IEP Form 1- Information/Eligibility
Items above the solid line may be completed prior to the meeting, based on information contained in the student information system.
1. Introduce participants and set a warm and positive tone for the meeting.
2. State purpose of the meeting and review agenda.
3. Review dates for accuracy. Check accuracy of data and update any changes in identifying information, such as English Language development, migrant status, address, phone number, etc.
Review Results of Evaluation to Determine Eligibility for Special Education Services, if appropriate. If not, record information from the most recent determination regarding the student’s disability and go to Step 8.
4. Consider evaluation results in all areas of suspected disability:
􀂉 Psychologist
􀂉 Special Education teacher(s)
􀂉 DIS/Related Services Staff
􀂉 General education teacher(s)
􀂉 Other school staff
􀂉 Other agencies
􀂉 Parents
􀂉 Independent evaluations, if appropriate
5. Verify that there are no other areas of suspected disability that should be evaluated at this time.
6. Eligibility: Determine eligibility for special education services.
􀂉 Identify primary disability based on state and district/SELPA eligibility criteria:
o If team determines student has a learning disability, complete Specific Learning Disability Team Determination of Eligibility form.
o Evaluation team members sign form as appropriate
o Identify secondary disability if any
􀂉 If student is not eligible for special education:
o Document reason for decision and other options to address student’s educational needs on IEP Team Amendment Page (Form 8).
o IEP team members sign as appropriate.
If parent(s) do not agree that the child is not eligible for special education services, note their concerns, discuss options for resolving their concerns, and review Special Education Rights of Parents and Children – Notice of Procedural Safeguards.
7. How Disability Effects Educational Performance: Describe how the student’s disability affects his or her educational performance.
􀀦 Educational Benefit Reminder:
Are all sections of the form addressed? Is the evaluation complete? Does it appropriately identify whether the child has a disability and provide information regarding the content of the child’s IEP?
2
IEP Form 1A - Transition Services
IEP Form 1B – Individual Transition Plan
1A must be completed for students ages 16 or younger. If the student is younger than age 16 and consideration of transition is not appropriate, skip IEP Forms 1A & IB and go to IEP Form 2 – Present Levels of Academic Achievement and Functional Performance.
Form 1A
8. How Student Participated in the Process: Describe how the student participated in the process. If for some reason the student was not able to attend describe how the student’s interests were determined.
9. Student’s Post School Preferences/Interests/Goals: Begin the transition planning by identifying the student’s dreams, preferences, interests and goals.
10. California High School Exit Exam: Discuss the student’s participation in the California High School Exit Exam, including his or her need for accommodations or modifications. Discuss the need for submitting a waiver if a modification is used.
11. Document that no later than grade 9, the parent(s)/guardian(s) and student have been informed of the requirement for the student to pass the CAHSEE in order to earn a diploma.
􀂉 Indicate the date if the student has already passed the CAHSEE in English Language Art and in Math.
􀂉 Note if student will be taking the CAHSEE with accommodations.
􀂉 Note if student will be taking the CAHSEE with modifications. Remember a waiver is required if the students will be getting modifications.
12. Transfer of Rights: On or before the student’s 17th birthday, explain that he or she will assume all special education rights and protections upon turning 18 (unless a conservator has been appointed by the court.) Review the Special Education Rights of Parents and Children - Notice of Procedural Safeguards with the student.
13. Credits: Update the credits the student has earned, which courses are required for graduation, and additional courses related to goals, graduation, and/or vocational interests.

Form 1B
14. Age Appropriate Transition Assessments: Document results of age‐appropriate transition assessments.
15. Other Vocational Evaluations: Note other vocational evaluations that should be conducted.
19. Measurable Postsecondary Goals: Document appropriate measurable postsecondary goals to be completed, including person/agency responsible and timeline. Document when the activity is completed. Include:
􀂉 Training: Document specific measurable goals that student would need training on.
􀂉 Education: This would include measurable academic goals.
􀂉 Employment: Specify activities in which the student may be involved, such as career exploration, competitive or supportive employment, etc.
􀂉 Independent Living (when appropriate): Specific measurable goals in the area of independent living skills.
􀂉 Other: Include other measurable goals that the student need for postsecondary transition.
3
􀀦 Educational Benefit Reminder:
Is the transition plan developed in accordance with the student’s post-school preferences, interests, and goals?
Are all areas of transition needs clearly specified, with corresponding measurable goals and responsible
persons/agencies identified as appropriate?
Are the transition activities and services specifically designed to prepare the
student for employment and independent living?
IEP Form 2 - Present Levels of Academic Achievement and Functional Performance
Except for the Concerns of the Parent, a draft of this portion of the IEP may be prepared prior to the meeting. Each section should be discussed at the meeting and changes made as appropriate based on input by members of the IEP team.
20. Strengths, Preferences, and Interests: Identify student’s strengths/preferences/interests.
21. Parent Concerns: Ask parent(s) to express their concerns relevant to their child’s educational progress.
22. Test Scores: Scores reflecting the student’s performance on state, district wide and other assessments may be gathered prior to the meeting. Review results of the assessments including, as appropriate:
􀂉 California Standards Test
􀂉 CAT-6
􀂉 CAPA
􀂉 CAHSEE
􀂉 Other Assessment Data, including results of district wide and/or individually administered assessments. If the student in an English Learner, document performance on the CELDT.
23. Pre-academic/Academic/Functional Skills: Summarize Pre-academic/Academic/Functional skills, including the student’s performance in the classroom, levels of mastery of the California content standards, progress in the curriculum, etc. Pre-academic and Functional skills should address the student’s development of readiness concepts for continued academic progress in the general education curriculum, as appropriate.
24. Communication: For students with identified areas of need in communication, describe the student’s articulation, voice, fluency, and language needs. If none, indicate "no concerns noted at this time."
25. Gross/Fine Motor Development: For a student who has been identified with motor development concerns, describe his or her specific skills and or needs. If none, indicate "no concerns noted at this time."
26. Social/Emotional Development: Describe the student’s social/emotional strengths and needs.
27. Health: Describe pertinent medical information that relates to the student’s educational progress. If none, indicate "no concerns noted at this time."
28. Vocational: Include strengths, interests, and needs related to pre-vocational/vocational skills. Address traits such as work habits, initiative, completion of classroom or school site jobs, etc.
29. Self-Help: For those students with needs in self-help, specify skills such as dressing, toileting, feeding, etc. Indicate "age appropriate" if no concerns are noted.
30. Areas of Need: Based on the information regarding the student’s Present Levels of Performance, identify all areas of need to be addressed in goals and objectives/benchmarks.
4
􀀦 Educational Benefit Reminder:
Are all sections of the Present Levels of Academic Achievement and Functional Performance addressed?
including documentation of "no concerns noted" or "age appropriate"?
Does this clearly reflect the student’s current performance in the educational setting?
Does the Present Levels of Academic Achievement and Functional Performance include all needs identified in the assessments?
Are all areas of need identified that should be addressed in goals, and objectives/benchmarks if required?
IEP Form 3 - Special Factors and Participation in State/District Wide Assessments
31. Assistive Technology: Does student require assistive technology devices and services or low incidence services, equipment and materials to meet educational goals and objectives? Indicate yes or no. If yes, specify the type of devices, services, equipment, and/or materials needed.
32. Blindness or Visual Impairment: Is student blind or visually impaired? Check yes or no. If the student is visually impaired, indicate whether instruction in Braille will be provided, and if not, why?
33. Deaf or Hard of Hearing: If student is deaf or hard of hearing, specify the strategies and specialized instruction and the mode of communication. If the student is not deaf or hard of hearing, indicate "N/A".
34. English Learner: Is the child an English Learner? Check yes or no. If yes, specify how student’s level of English proficiency, related to the IEP, will be addressed.
35. Behavior: Does student’s behavior impede learning? Specify yes or no. If yes, describe how the behavior impedes learning. Specify positive behavior interventions, strategies, and supports to address the behaviors. Check if there is a Behavior Support Plan or Behavior Intervention Plan and attach a copy.
36. Participation in State/District Wide Assessments (STAR): Indicate how the student will or will not participate in each of the State/District Assessments:
􀂉 CAT-6/California Standards Test:
If the student will participate in this test, check all boxes as appropriate.
Specify accommodations if required by the student as part of his or her regular instructional process.
Specify modifications if required by the student as part of his or her regular instructional process. Remember modifications fundamentally alter the test therefore the score will not be counted toward AYP.
If the student will not participate in all or part of the CAT-6, indicate why and describe how the child will be assessed.
􀂉 California Alternate Performance Assessment (CAPA). If the student has a significant cognitive impairment, indicate the CAPA Level that is most appropriate to measure student progress.
􀂉 Grade Exempt. Check the box to indicate that the student is below grade 2 or above grade 11 and therefore is exempt from the STAR.
􀂉 Specify any accommodations or modifications the student may need to participate in other state or district wide assessments, including writing proficiencies, physical fitness tests, etc.
NOTE: Do not put parent exemption on the IEP form as a reason that the student will not participate. The IEP Team must address how the student would participate even if there is a parent exemption.
37. Promotion/Graduation Standards
Check if the student will be meeting the district promotion standards or if the student will be promoted to the next grade based on making substantial progress toward meeting goals and objectives.
38. Frequency and Type of Progress Reports: Check the frequency that parents will be informed of their child’s progress towards the goals and indicate the type of report.
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􀀦 Educational Benefit Reminder:
Has the IEP Team addressed all the special considerations the student may require?
Are accommodations/modifications on state and district wide?
assessments in accordance with state guidelines?
Do all team members, including parents, understand the progress reporting requirements?
IEP Form 4A - Annual Goals and Objectives
IEP Form 4B – Annual Goals and Benchmarks
IEP Form 4C – Annual Goals
Use IEP Form 4A or 4B for students who take the CAPA. These students require annual goals AND objectives or benchmarks. Use IEP Form 4C for all other students. Objectives or benchmarks are no longer required for students who are accessing the general curriculum. Draft goals (and objectives or benchmarks, if required) may be developed prior to the meeting and reviewed with the team for changes. Annual goals, objectives, and/or benchmarks must be measurable, and at least one annual goal must be written for each area of identified need.
39. Measurable Annual Goals: Develop measurable annual goals including short-term objectives or benchmarks individual that are unique to the needs of the student based on assessment(s). These goals and objectives/benchmarks must relate to: meeting the student’s needs that result from the disability; meeting the student’s needs to enable involvement in and progress in the general curriculum; and, meeting other educational needs that result from the disability. In addition the goals and objectives must be linguistically appropriate.
• Note subject area of need (reading, math, social emotional/behavioral, etc.)
• Write measurable goal annual goal and document baseline for the goal.
• Include the personnel responsible for the goal.
• Most goals should be aligned to general curriculum; therefore document state standard #.
• Develop at least two short term objectives or benchmarks for each goal.
For progress reports, include the date and the summary of the progress.
􀀦 Educational Benefit Reminder:
Are there goals and objectives for each area of need and vice versa?
Are the goals and objectives/benchmarks measurable?
Do the goals and objectives enable the student to be involved/progress in the curriculum?
Are all other educational needs resulting from the disability addressed?
If the student is an English language learner, are the goals linguistically appropriate?
Is the person(s) identified who will primarily be responsible for implementing the goal and monitoring progress?
Are the progress reports being sent to parents as scheduled?
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IEP Form 5A - Services
Special education and related services are determined at the IEP meeting only after goals and if appropriate objectives/benchmarks have been finalized. Placement decisions must be made in conformity with the least restrictive environment (LRE) provisions. These provisions direct that to the maximum extent appropriate, students with disabilities be educated with typically developing peers, and that special classes, separate schooling or other removal of students from the general educational environment occurs only if the nature or severity of the disability is such that education in general education classes with the use of supplementary aids and services cannot be achieved satisfactorily. The placement must be made in the school that the student would attend if the student did not have a disability unless unique circumstances prevent this placement. Special education and related services and supplementary aids and services, should be based on peer-reviewed research to the extent practicable.
40. Service Delivery Options Considered: Discuss and document service delivery options considered. The team must always first consider placement in the general education classroom with supports prior to recommending a more restrictive setting.

In determining the LRE consideration must be given to any harmful effect on the child or quality of services that the child needs. Follow the continuum of services below as a guide to determining LRE:
• General Education Class
• General Education Class - Supplemental services or aids
• General Education Class - Some direct instruction. Less than 21% of time out of the classroom for special education services.
• General Education Class - 21% to 60% of instructional day in pull out.
• Some/or no instruction in General Education Class - Minimum of 60% of the instructional day in a special setting (intensive services).
• Some/or no Instruction in General Education Class - School based day treatment.
• No instruction in General Education Class - Special day school facility.
• Residential School.
• Hospital Program.
• Home Instruction.
41. Supplementary Aids and Services: Note supplementary aids and services and/or supports for school personnel (consultation to teachers, preferential seating, enlarged text, etc.). Team must also document modifications and or accommodations that will be needed in order for the student to progress toward annual goals while participating in the general curriculum. Accommodations do not fundamentally alter or lower expectations or standards in instructional level, content, or performance criteria (extended time on an un-timed task, enlarged text, etc.). Modifications fundamentally alter or lower exceptions or standards in instructional level, content, or performance criteria (alternate math assignment, etc.). Document who will be responsible for the supplementary aids and services, the start and end date, duration, frequency, and location.
42. Special Education and Related Services: The team needs to determine the special education and related services that would provide educational benefit and facilitate progress on the goals and objectives for the student (e.g. SDC, RSP, speech/language, etc). Identify the type of service, start and end date, duration, frequency, and location for all services. Location must be specific (gen ed classroom, special ed classroom, speech room).
43. Extended School Year: Discuss if student needs ESY to receive FAPE and fill out the type of services the student will receive, start and end date, duration, frequency, and location.
ESY shall be provided to a student with a disability who the IEP deems requires special education and related services in excess of the regular academic year. Such students shall have disabilities which are likely to continue indefinitely or for a prolonged period of time, and interruption of the student’s educational programming may cause regression, when coupled with limited recoupment capacity, rendering it impossible or unlikely that the student will attain the level of self-sufficiency and independence that would otherwise be expected in view of his or her disability. (5 CCR 3043)
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IEP Form 5B - Placement
44. Physical Education: Check the type of physical education, if applicable.
45. Location of Services: Document the district where the student is receiving services and the school of attendance. These are required CASEMIS data fields. Note the school type (public day school, special education center, nonpublic day school, juvenile court school, etc.) and if in preschool, note the preschool setting (early childhood setting, early childhood special education setting, separate school, etc).
46. Is Student Receiving Services in School of Residence: Check yes or no to the question "all special education services provided at student’s school of residence." If the team determines "no," rationale must be documented.
47. Percentage of Time Outside of Regular Education Environment and In Regular Education Environment: Document the percentage of time the student not participate in the regular environment and document percentage of time student will participate in regular education environment. Consider the full day including lunch, recess, passing periods, etc.
48. Subject Areas Student Will Not Participate in Regular Education: If student is not participating in the general education 100% of the day, note the subject areas that he/she will not participate and the rationale (Least Restrictive Environment requirement).
49. Other Agency Services: Note other agency services. It is especially important to document services under county mental health.
50. Promotion Criteria: Check the option that applies.
51. Progress Reporting: Check the frequency of the progress reports and the how progress will be reported.
52. Transportation: Note if the student needs transportation (curb to curb, wheel chair lift, etc.) as a related service.
53. Graduation Plan: This needs to be done for students in grade 8 and higher. NOTE: The IEP Team must use caution when determining if the student will be working towards a diploma or a certificate of completion. Students must have the opportunity to work toward a diploma if they have the ability to do so.
54. Transition: If the student is going through a transition (preschool to kindergarten, special ed to general ed, etc.), document the activities to support the transition.
􀀦 Educational Benefit Reminder:
Are the appropriate services identified to support progress toward all goals?
Do the services support progress in the general curriculum?
Are the services appropriate to support participation in extracurricular and other nonacademic activities?
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IEP Form 6 - Signature and Parent Consent
52. Participants Attendance: Have all meeting participants sign and date that they were in attendance. Make sure to include title.
53. Parent Consent: Check the parent consent box if they agree in whole or in part to the IEP. If they agree only in part, document the areas they are not in agreement with. Steps to resolve the disagreement should be documented on Form 7.
54. Not Eligible: If team determines child is not eligible, check the appropriate box.
55. No Longer Eligible: If team determines child is no longer eligible for special education, check the appropriate.
56. Parent Signature: Have parent(s) sign and date.
57. Students Enrolled in Private Schools by Their Parents: If student is enrolled in private school by his/her parent, check the box and develop a Services Plan, if appropriate.
􀀦 Educational Benefit Reminder:
Did all IEP Meeting participants sign?
Do the parent(s) consent to all components of the IEP?
If not, are areas of agreement and/or disagreement clearly specified?
Are the next steps identified for reaching resolution if appropriate?
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IEP Form 7 - IEP Team Meeting Comments Page
• Not a required component.
• Used by most districts to document key points of agreement and/or areas of disagreement.
• Should be a summary of what happened.
• Generally keep it "short and "sweet.
􀀦 Educational Benefit Reminder:
Is this information a summary of the meeting?
Does everyone agree that the information accurately reflects what was
discussed and the agreements that were made?
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IEP Form 8 – IEP Team Amendment Page
IDEA Section 614 3 (D) In making changes to a child’s IEP after the annual IEP meeting for a school year, the parent of the child with a disability and the LEA may agree not to convene an IEP meeting fro the purposes of making such changes, and instead develop a written document to amend or modify the child’s current IEP.
IDEA Section 614 3 (F) Changes to the IEP may be made either by the entire IEP Team by amending the IEP rather than by redrafting the entire IEP. Upon request, a parent shall be provided with a revised copy of the IEP with the amendments incorporated.
• Serves as the option for making minor amendments to the IEP if the parent(s) and district agree that a meeting is not needed (adding additional DIS LSH minutes after a phone conversation with the parents and agreement with school staff, etc.)
• Attach this form to current IEP after getting signature from parent(s).
• Districts need to designate who can serve as the LEA representative. LEA representative is authorized to approve the amendments.
• Parents may request a copy of the IEP with the amendments incorporated.
􀀦 Educational Benefit Reminder:
Is the amendment clear?
Do the parents and staff agree on the amendment?
Are all affected staff (special ed teacher(s), DIS provider(s), gen ed teacher(s), etc.),
including the LEA representative, informed of the amendment/change?
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IEP Form 10 – IEP Team Member Excusal
"IDEA Section 614 (d) (1) (c) IEP TEAM ATTEDANCE‐
‘(I) ATTENDANCE NOT NECESSARY – A member of the IEP team shall not be required to attend an IEP meeting, in whole or in part, if the parent of a child with a disability and the local educational agency agree that the attendance of such a member is not ecessary because the member’s area of the curriculum or related services is not being modified or discussed in the meeting, ‘(ii) EXCUSAL‐ A member of the IEP Team may be excused from attending an IEP meeting, in whole or in part, when the meeting involves a modification to or discussion of the member’s area of curriculum or related services, if—‘(I) the parent and the local educational agency consent to the excusal; and ‘(II) the member submits, in writing to the parent and the IEP team, input into the development of the IEP prior to the meeting. ‘(iii) WRITTEN AGREEMENT AND CONSENT REQUIRED‐ A parent’s agreement under clause (i) and consent under clause (ii) shall be in writing."

1. Enter the date of the meeting the team member/s will be excused from attending.
2. Enter the name of the team members who will be excused.
3. Enter the area or curriculum or related service that the team member is responsible for addressing.
4. Check the appropriate column that explains why the IEP team member is being excused form the IEP meeting in whole or part.
5. Get signature of parent or student as appropriate and LEA representative.


􀀦 Educational Benefit Reminder:
Did the parents agree prior to the IEP Team meeting that the team member/s could be excused?.
Did the excused team member/s provide written input prior to the IEP Meeting to the parents and the LEA?
Was the excused Team member’s written input complete and sufficient for the IEP team to develop an IEP for educational benefit?
Did the excused team member/s receive a copy of the IEP?
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School Placement Needs

Facilitated interactions with typically-developing peers
Opportunities to integrate/mainstream daily with typically-developing peers (currently approximately 30% of day is mainstreamed with support).
Multiple opportunities to expressively communicate throughout school day using Alex’s chosen method of communication – PECS, sign, use of assistive technology and/or verbal communication. (not just at snack time).
Meaningful access to the general education curriculum based on 2nd grade State standards.
Structured environment
Visual supports used consistently throughout day for enhanced receptive language and greater independence.
Safe environment without dangers.
Positive behavior management.
Professional identified as Team leader with capacity to convene and communicate with entire team of professionals (OT, SLP, behavioral consultant, APE specialist, school psychologist, family, etc.)
1:1 ratio to ensure follow through throughout day.
Teacher capable of ensuring appropriate sensory diet throughout day.
Coordination with home program team to ensure generalization across settings.

Long Term Goals

Long Term Goals to be met through 1:1 behaviorial support home program

I. Communication
A. Able to fully and spontaneously express himself verbally to communicate his wants, needs, observations, feelings and social interactions.
B. Able to fully understand and comprehend verbal language spoken by others in all settings and contexts.

II. Self-Help
Completely independent with the following:
A. Personal hygiene
i. Toileting
ii. Bathing
iii. Handwashing
iv. Teethbrushing
v. Grooming (hair, finger/toenails)

B. clothing
i. dressing, including orientation and fasteners
ii. folding and putting away clothes
iii. selecting appropriate clothes for weather
iv. identifying when clothes are clean/dirty
v. laundry skills
vi. able to tie shoes
C. Meals
i. Basic food preparation
ii. Basic nutrition awareness
iii. Completely independent in serving self, eating, cleaning up
III. Personal Safety
A. Consistently avoids dangerous situations (eg, cars/traffic, fire/heat, fans, bullies, drowning, unknown animals, height/falling, etc.)
B. Engages in no self-injurious behaviors
C. Does not act aggressively towards others

III. Learning Readiness Skills
A. Attending: Independently able to attend to Instructor in full classroom and small group instruction for 6 consecutive hours.
B. Follows Directions: independently able to follow series of 3-5 sequenced directions given verbally without contextual clues.

IV. Appropriate Behaviors
A. Reduction of self-stimulatory behaviors to 5% of his day, and only in appropriate settings (eg, alone in bedroom)
B. Complete elimination of self-injurious behaviors
C. Total elimination of inappropriate aggressive behaviors towards others.
D. Able to express frustrations verbally and seek physical/mental relief through age-appropriate outlets.
E. Able to self-regulate by choosing appropriate activities (eg deep breathing, heavy work, physical exertion, exercise, etc.)

V. Daily Living Skills
A. Demonstrates appropriate understanding of time, calendar, money, spending/saving, daily schedule.
B. Able to successfully navigate self in community (school, park, store, etc.)
C. Able to independently access public transportation.
D. Understands sexual education training and knows how to appropriately interact with others in this regard.
E. Demonstrates competent understanding of the laws governing society.

VI. Leisure Skills and Extra-Curricular Activities
A. Able to independently participate in group sports and games.
B. Demonstrates ability to identify, select and participate in meaningful extra-curricular activities.
C. Able to appropriately interact with peers in school and social settings.

VII. Academics
A. Meaningful participation in age-appropriate grade level State standards in all learning areas.
B. Able to generalize concepts and skills learned in school, and able to functionally use these skills in the community.

VIII. Vocational Skills
Demonstrates vocational skills sufficient to secure employment in chosen field.

My new book club

Companies are developing a computer program that reads peoples faces and determines their emotional state, thus helping to more accurately target advertising messages to their precise mood. The ASD community thinks this could potentially one day help the aspies and other HFAs, to help them clue in to the emotions of their communication partners. I was thinking it would be really great at IEP meetings, too. I mean, are those administrators sitting their smirking at me while I furiously scribble notes or lean over to consult with my partner, or to they manage to keep the compassionate look of concern glued to their faces?
Seriously, though, we had a surprisingly positive iep for A yesterday. I kept waiting for them to say no, but they really didn't. I can't help wondering if I missed something. They didn't make reference to my parent handouts in the narrative, but I'm going to make sure they get included in the final iep document, whenever we finally finish this meeting. Yesterday was day 2. Each segment has so far lasted 3 hours each. Next segment is scheduled for Wednesday 7/5, after we look at one more possible classroom option for A. And we get some goals written. Yeah, just little details like goals and placement.
I'll try to type up the handouts I did -- one was my long term vision/goals for A, and why he'll need a home program until he's 25 or can do his own laundry, whichever comes first; the other is a list of the essential components in a classroom placement for A. I'd like to have boilerplates of these available for other parents -- seems like such an essential part of the process that never gets written out.
Maybe I'll start a blog with essential IEP tools, like templates for these docs, some really relevant legal quotes, etc.
Oh, and did I tell you about the new book club I joined? The bookclub meets monthly in Santa Clara. The book we focus on is by Pam and Pete Wright -- From Emotions to Advocacy -- The Special Education Survival Guide. Each month we go over 1-2 chapters. Now, this is my kind of book club!

Pebble Beach

Wow, what a magical, enchanted place! Today the baby seals swam practically right up to us to check us out -- 5 of them! A and B loved climbing the rocks, exploring the tide pools, throwing stones into the water. Pure peace and beauty. Felt like home.

Please sign and circulate

Dear Friends,
The special education teachers of the San Mateo County Office of Education (SMCOE) are standing up for small class sizes for our children. The SMCOE is trying to raise the number of students that they put in the special ed classes. While currently there are no caps, there are some recommended levels for each classroom. These recommended numbers of students are based on safety factors (for the students and the staff) and the ability of the educators to teach our children, not just be babysitters. I was at the SMCOE Board of Education meeting this week, and there were about 40 educators there trying to convince the Board not to raise the numbers of students in each class. As a parent, I support these teachers. While of course I don’t always agree with my sons’ teachers on every single issue, to me this is clearly an issue where parents and teachers can stand together and support our children and each other. With a small group of parents, we have drafted the letter pasted below. Our goal is to get at least 100 parents, relatives, caregivers and supporters to sign on to this letter, and we will send it to the SMCOE Board of Education, with a copy to the teachers association. If you agree, please send your name as you’d like it to appear on the letter, and email it to smallclasssize@hotmail.com

Even if your child is not in County classes, and even if your child is not in special education, this is an important issue that deserves your support. Please distribute widely to your own networks of friends and family, as well as other listserves.
Thanks for your support.

OPEN LETTER TO THE SAN MATEO COUNTY BOARD OF EDUCATION

We, the undersigned, are parents, relatives, and supporters of children in special education and regular education classes in San Mateo County. We are concerned about the proposal to raise the number of students in the County’s special education classes. We understand that the current recommendations for class size are based on several important factors, foremost among them the safety of the educators and the students. Current class sizes also promote the appropriate education of the students, as is intended in the I.D.E.A. Adding additional students to these classrooms will increase noise levels, increase the staffing needs, and create safety hazards. We urge the San Mateo County Office of Education to maintain the current class sizes and not jeopardize the education of any student. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Signed: